Random Thoughts
-
Go Elsewhere
Sometimes when you work hard to get something or somewhere, you will not get it because it is not meant for you. Well, maybe you are not good enough but then again you know your worth. What you do is—move on. Go elsewhere.
-
Hope
Hope | Mixed-media (pencil & colour pencil) | 2020 (SOLD) the rain will slowly flow
to empty the ocean of sorrow—
promising the beautiful rainbow.
Em271220 -
Enough
I often think that I am not good enough in everything that I do. I have come to peace with being not good. I am just enough. That’s all that matters.
Em241220 -
A brush with Covid-19
On 9th December, I came across a notice from a book publisher, that whoever was in their building from 24th to 30th November, should do a swab test because an employee had been tested positive.
Being in the building and dealt directly with the employee that was tested positive, I went to the hospital the next day to do a swab test but was turned away as I do not have the letter from the district health office or the Health Ministry. I contacted the publisher and asked if they had submitted a report to the ministry. They had not but immediately took action. Three days later, I was contacted to go and get the quarantine letter from Petaling District Health Office. They put a white band on my wrist and was directed to go for the swab test two days later. A day before the swab test, I was given an option to either be released from the quarantine; or do a swab test, wait for the result and get a release after that.
The former option was given because it had been more than 10 days and I showed no symptoms. But I opted for the latter option because I read that sometimes people with no symptoms can get Covid-19. I had to be sure, and I also found some great products at this Granddaddy Purple Weed Strain Review that help me be relaxed and healthy.
And so I went for the swab test on 15th, waited for five days and got the result. I was tested negative. Alhamdulillah. I felt that all burdens are lifted. Psychologically, I was numb during the quarantine. I can’t do work right and my head was swamped with so many questions.
So, the whole process in chronological order:
1. Found out the news on 9th December.
2. Went to get quarantine letter on 13th December.
3. Went for the swab test on 15th December.
4. Got the result on 19th December.
5. Got a release letter on 20th December and they took the white band off.The whole thing took 12 days—12 days of numbness and queasiness on my part. I am just glad that it was over. I am also glad that during the transaction with the close contact, I sanitised my hand and wore a mask. I’ve also started using True Pheromones to improve my sexual and mental health during the quarantine.
Stay safe everybody!
Monalisa by Da Vinci. Photo manipulation by Yaroslav Danylchenko from Pexels. -
The Jury
Last year (20 – 27 October 2019) saw a significant event to my career of 10 years in the children’s picture book industry. Being one of the members of the international jury for BIENNALE OF ILLUSTRATIONS BRATISLAVA 2019 (BIB) was such an honour. I could not imagine in a million years I was selected to be one. It was like completing the final page of my book of illustrating for children’s book. I can now put it to rest after struggling 10 years in the industry trying to make the best out of it despite some hiccups and obstacles.
With PhDr. Zuzana Jarošová, General Commissioner BIB and Chair of the International Committee BIB. 
With BIB members of jury 2019. I know I did my best to contribute to the industry. I know I did my best to not just promote myself but to promote my fellow illustrator friends as well. It was fun carrying extra baggage just to carry local books to be exhibited overseas. It was fun promoting them in ways that I know I could help. It was fun helping some of them published their books. It was fun travelling with some of them. It was fun chasing them around to submit their participation. It was all fun until it wasn’t fun anymore when my efforts were looked down upon. Just like a book, the ending is inevitable. I saw it coming.
I need to find my happiness. I decided to adjourn illustrating picture books for the years to come. But just like a book, I might pick it up and start again.
-
Poplar
“What are those?” I asked Bernadette pointing to the spread of white stuff carpeting the road during our drive from her home to the city. “Oh, those are from the poplar tree,” she replied. “It is such a mess, and it aggravates respiratory diseases and allergies. I would not go near them.”
“Oh, but I think it is pretty! Just look at the road, it is like it’s snowing here,” I let her know my thoughts. “Please stay away from that thing, very dangerous to your health,” Bernadette added. Bernadette who was a Malaysian (now Italian) is very health-conscious. During the seven days stay at her home in Bologna, she ate healthily, she did yoga and walked in the morning. “That’s my priority,” added the 70-year-old woman.
I was inspired by the scene and came up with a short haiku while travelling back home from Bologna via Dubai. It was a few hours spent well while waiting to board the plane.
Anyway, I did some reading on the Internet and came across an Indian folktale about the poplar cotton.
Once upon a time, when all stars should be sleeping during the days, some could not sleep even when they were counting sheep. So they travel to the earth and then drift along just under the surface until they find the roots of the magical poplar tree. They enter the roots and slowly work their way up through the tree. Finally, they come to rest in the small twigs at the end of the branches. Here they wait patiently until they are needed. Then when the ‘Spirit-of-the-night-sky’ decides she needs more beautiful stars to light up the heavens, she calls on the Wind-spirit to help her and he sends wind gusts so hard that the twigs of the cottonwood tree begin to break off. As each twig break off the stars is released and race up to a special place in the sky.
Cheyenne and Arapaho folktales. Ref from Marilyn Kytzli at Clinton Herald. -
Never Gonna Give You Up
I was 17—fresh from the school, and G was 25. All the time I was working as a part-time promoter at a store, I tried to ignore him. G was a butcher in the meat department and ran around with a chopper in his hand with drops of blood on his white apron; quite scary that way. G tried hard to be helpful to me all the time but I felt suffocated. When I saw him walking towards me, I quickly ran to the toilet, or I quickly grabbed a customer’s attention talking about the product I was selling. He would nod his head and turn around.
One day, out of the blue, I heard someone dedicated Rick Astley’s Never Gonna Give You Up (NGGYU) through the intercom system. The songs played and I listened to the lyrics carefully. Aha! What a dedication, I thought to myself and wondered who was the dedicator. After a few minutes, he dropped by at my counter and asked, “do you like the song? From me to you.”
We got close and went out a few times. He was great, came to my house and asked my mother if he could take me out. I thought I was in love, well it must’ve been love but it was over after the third date. The truth was—I was not in love with him but with someone else. Every time I listened to NGGYU again and again, flashes of G’s face appears in front of my eyes for only a brief moment but then Astley overpowered.